How many times have you said ‘yes’ to plans you really didn’t want to?
How many times have you kept doing things you don’t enjoy because you didn’t want to disappoint your friends and family?
And how many times have you felt shitty because you weren’t being true to yourself?
At some point in life, I think it’s fair to say, we’ve all done something to keep other people happy! It’s been easier to make ourselves miserable than to have to potentially disappoint those closest to us or to have to explain our true feelings without repercussion.
But honestly girls, it’s time to wind it in!
It’s unhealthy and it’s cockblocking you from living your best authentic life!
People pleasing can take different forms. It can be a way of trying to keep the peace and preserve someone elses feelings, or it can stem from low self-worth. Either way, it can put so much pressure on you that long term, it morphs itself into other areas of your life.
You start to avoid looking at your notifications because you think it will be an invite to yet another birthday that you’ll have to say yes to. Or perhaps you get anxiety before meeting up with friends because deep down, you really just want to stay in with a bottle of prosecco, a takeaway and your comfy PJ’s that have seen better days!
The first thing you need to realise is that it is 100% OK to say no to an invitation. And guess what, your friends will probably be totally understanding! If they’re not, they’re probably not your true friends anyway #JustSaying!
If you’re bailing on casual Saturday night dinner and drinks with the girls in favour of watching cat videos on youtube, that is absolutely your prerogative! Being able to explain to your nearest and dearest that you really just need a bit of a break, a bit of ‘me’ time and a night in to indulge in some well deserved self-care should be more than enough of an explanation!
It could be that you could do without another expensive night out, need to give the fella some quality time or want to work on your own goals – whatever the reason, do not feel guilty for it.
There is strength in being able to put yourself and your own needs first and you’ll find life becomes more balanced and fulfilled when you’re able to do so!
But what about when you feel like you’re literally living your entire life to make someone else happy?
I was watching one of Georgie Stevenson’s youtube videos recently where she shared with her community that she was giving up her law career to become a Health Coach and focus on her content creation! It was a bold move based on what set her soul on fire but when she made the decision, she felt she couldn’t actually tell anyone what she was doing because she’d spent 6 years studying law, and was so concerned with what people would think of her for giving up a ‘proper’ job.
We let other peoples fears hold us back and we all need to get better at owning our truth and using that to allow us to be fulfilled and become the best possible versions of ourselves.
Another way we can end up people pleasing, is staying friends with people who no longer serve us. Now I’m not advising you to ditch your oldest friend in the world, but what I am saying is take time to evaluate the friendships that no longer bring you joy.
Over the years, I’ve grown and evolved. My interests have changed and what I need from a friend has changed too. Who I am today, is a very different person to Char aged 15, 20 and 25 and so if some of those friendships have also stayed in the same time period, they’re probably no longer right for the person I am today.
I absolutely thrive off deep conversation, being inspired, cheering on my friends as they succeed and having new experiences! So my friends that I used to go raving with, who just want to stay local or are simply living a very different life from me that I can no longer relate to, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact they’re probably going to be part of my past. We stay connected via social, but we just don’t need to hang out because frankly, it’s just awkward and gives me anxiety if I’m being completely honest!
What I’m trying to say is, if your friends don’t bring out the best in you, aren’t your biggest cheerleaders and your paths have come to a fork in the road, it’s OK to re-evaluate the relationship. It may result in a difficult conversation for sure, but that’s part of growing up I’m sorry to say (trust me, I wish it wasn’t!). But you may also find these relationships naturally just run their course.
Taking ownership of your own happiness takes strength and courage. It will be a journey in itself and may take time, but will bring you so so much in return that it will absolutely be worth it! Being able to take full responsibility of your life takes balls, but girl, I promise you, you have the biggest kahunas on the planet!! You just need to set them free!!
Start being unapologetic about who you are, what you want and what you believe in.
And start living your best life.
Life is short. Don’t waste it waiting for external validation.
The only person you need to truly please in life, is you.
It wasn’t that long ago when we were singing auld lang syne, glass of prosecco in hand, making a cheers to 2020 with all the belief it was about to be our best year yet!
We were gonna go to the most instagrammable holiday destinations, buy our dream homes, and thrive in our careers like never before!
Yeah…about that 🙃🙃🙃
So here we are, 6 months in to the year, wondering how we can turn this shit around and still absolutely smash our 2020 goals!
One thing I’d highly recommend to make that happen, is to get involved in a Side Hustle!
Pretty much since I started working, I’ve had some sort of side gig going. Whether it was selling candles, having my own photography business or being part of an MLM business, I’ve always believed in giving myself opportunities to have something of my own and earning an additional income.
And I’m not the only one!
1 in 4 people in the UK has some sort of Side Hustle on the go. It tackles the on-going problem of feeling underwhelmed and under-financed in your 9-5!
With the internet at our fingertips, we can launch a business, or learn a new trade at the click of a button! It’s legit never been easier and you don’t necessarily need to make a huge financial investment to get started!
So here are 5 reasons why I’ll always be a huge fan of the Side Hustle:
1. You can build your ‘Plan B’!
There hasn’t been a more relevant time in our history to have a back-up plan than now! This week alone British Gas, Heathrow Airport, Centrica, Johnson Mathey, Lufthansa & Grant Thornton all talked about redundancies totalling over 40,000 people possibly out of work in the not too distant future.
Having a Side Hustle allows you to have an additional stream of income to either help out financially, or with the possibility of replacing your full time income.
Times are ever changing and it’s so beneficial to have options should you ever need to utilise them.
2. You can do something you’re truly passionate about!
Don’t get me wrong, some Side Hustles are purely built out of financial gain – which is totally fine but it may take the route of something you’re not exactly buzzing about however provides good financial returns.
On the other hand, your Side Hustle can be the opportunity to turn your passion project into a fully fledged business! The chance to become the CEO of your dreams!
Something that was once a hobby or interest, has the potential to become the catapult that drives you to success and fulfilment! Just imagine that for a second…
(I’ll wait…)
How EPIC does that feel? To do something you love, on your own terms!
It is absolutely possible with a Side Hustle! You just need to take the first step!
3. You get the chance to learn new skills!
In every Side Hustle I’ve had, I’ve learnt something new. FACT!
Since launching this blog for example, I’ve had to get my head around building a website, SEO, marketing, social media, affiliate marketing and so much more! It’s all been so interesting as well as teaching me so many things that I can either use in my full-time job, or in other areas of life!
I’ve always had an interest in Marketing so I’ve genuinely enjoyed getting to learn and apply it!
Whilst in my MLM business though, I learnt so much more about Personal Development than I had done previously! It was always something I’d had an interest in but it was here that I took it to another level.
Expanding your skillset in this day and age is just a no-brainer! Roles are changing and adapting and the more strings you have to your bow, the better prepared you are for the evolution of work.
4. You can increase your self-confidence!
When I started this blog, I had NO idea how to do any of the things! I’d never built a website, never keyword searched, never had to market a product…nothing!
I’d also never put myself out there in the way that I am now and hell yeah, I was scared of judgement! Especially from those who knew me! The strangers could do one tbh 😂
But I took the leap! On something I’d been putting off for about 3 years! And I can honestly say this has been one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done and has taught me I can do anything I put my mind to!
What I didn’t know, I’ve learnt. I’ve utilised the abundance of free and paid-for resources out there and day by day, I’m doing everything I can to achieve my goals.
I truly believe so many people out there have the potential to become the best version of themselves if they’re willing to be vulnerable for a second and just be brave enough to suck at something new!
5. You get to meet like-minded people!
Theres no better way to meet people on the same hype as you, than to really build and develop something in an area that gets you buzzing!
Most of those closest to me, I met through one of my Side Hustles and I couldn’t be more grateful! They’re people who I have similar interests to, can talk about the struggles as well as the successes with and also learn from and grow with!
Meeting people you vibe with only gets more difficult as you get older and a Side Hustle is a great way to connect with others who ‘get it’! Plus #NoNewFriends is sooooo last century!!
So those are some of the reasons I feel a Side Hustle can be super beneficial. It’s like the gift that keeps on giving!
The possibilities are endless and the opportunity to replace your full-time income and become a fully-fledged business owner with total control over your life is completely possible (yep, you can wake up at 10 am, or go to the gym in the middle of the day if you like 😉).
So what are you waiting for? What will your Side Hustle be…?
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So it’s been around 10 weeks since we were all sent to become one with our homes and without a doubt, it’s thrown up its own challenges.
Working from home is hardly new. It’s been around for years in some way, shape or form. Prior to the lockdown, I would aim for one day a week from home to give me one solid day without the commute etc. and, being an introvert, I appreciate my space to think sometimes!
But this is NOT working from home as we know it. This has been forced upon us with no prior warning and it’s now our full-time scenario.
This is being trapped indoors without much of an escape.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully appreciate it’s for the greater good and completely understand why we need to do it, but my point here is more that this is a major headf*ck for a lot of people because these are not normal circumstances.
I remember speaking to a few people in the early part of lockdown and asking ‘How are you doing?’ and they’d reply ‘Oh I’ve been Working from Home for years so I’m used to it’ 🙃🙃🙃
Dude, this is NOT working from home as usual. You see, when you work remotely in normal circumstances, you can go and work from an air-conditioned coffee shop or hotel lounge, you can go to the gym on your break, you can take yourself out or meet friends for a nice local lunch…the difference is, you have OPTIONS!
You’re able to escape. The kids are at school. You don’t have to queue to grab some bloody milk at the supermarket!!
None of this is normal. And we need to give ourselves a break in understanding that!
For me, I implemented a few things over the last 10 weeks that have just made this all a bit more bearable for me:
Bring back the commute!
OK hear me out! I’m not expecting you to jump back on to public transport and do a round trip for no reason! No, what I mean is that the time you have for your commute previously served as a good way to switch your mindset from home to work and vice versa at the end of the day. However, our commute now is a few steps from one room to the other giving us no time or space to get into our day.
In the mornings, once I’m dressed and ready with a slick of mascara on in case of Zoom calls, I take a short bit of me-time. Some days I watch The Bachelorette (yeah, turns out I’m not keen 🤦♀️) other mornings, I light an incense stick and have meditation music on to just start my morning in a super calm way. I journal, write my to-do list and scroll social media like I would have done if I was on the central line! Give yourself the space to go from home-life to work-mode.
Get Comfortable!
How many people are suffering from regular headaches right now? Neck strain? Back pain? Need to keep clicking your wrists? Yeah – your WFH set up sucks! I was noticing a few days in that my head and neck were killing me about an hour after logging on and I realised my ‘desk’ wasn’t working for me. So I bought myself an office chair, a laptop riser (aff) and a wireless keyboard (aff). These few changes made an absolute world of difference to me and the headaches soon disappeared!
Take a Break!
I was absolutely guilty when I was in the office of never taking a full and proper lunch break. I would either go out, grab food, eat at my desk then carry on with my day, or I’d bring lunch in, eat at my desk and then carry on with my day!
Now though, this is a non-negotiable for me. I’ve blocked out the time in my diary for an hour every day and this is when I work out or go for a walk.
You can do whatever you want in this time though; sit outside, cook a nice lunch from scratch, read, scroll social media, watch a show on Netflix…anything!
Just step away from the laptop for an hour!
Log off…and stay off!
I’ve been pretty good at maintaining a work/life balance for a while but it’s even more essential now when work and life happen in the same space.
Where possible, try and stick to your usual office hours. And when you do log off, stay logged off. Close the laptop, turn the notifications off on your phone and try to enjoy your evenings.
But I know some of you are reading this like, yeah OK Char, that’s all fine and well when you’re still working/don’t have kids/aren’t running your own business with your neck on the line etc. And I totally appreciate that I can only talk from my own perspective.
So that’s why I’ve rounded up some additional input to show how they’ve stayed sane during this shitshow…
Kodie – Recruitment Consultant. Currently on Furlough.
My journey with furlough so far has definitely been one that’s been very up and down! At the start, I really did feel like I had lost my purpose. For the last 2 years or so I have been heavily focusing on building my career and finding something I was so passionate about was amazing, so to have that taken away from me and being told the best thing is to just sit back and let others work was a really tricky thing for me to do. I would say for the first month of furlough I was desperately looking for any way to try and fill my time, as I had gone from being non-stop and not having any time to do much outside of work to the complete opposite. What I have realised now though, is all the things I wanted to get done that I previously ‘never had time for’ I am finally managing to do. I have also become so much closer to all my friends and family by virtually keeping in touch with them and I’m really using this time to reflect and grow! Particularly thinking about long term what I want to do with my life and achieve. I have been doing a lot of exercising which I think has been absolutely key to keeping a strong positive mindset! Making sure I set an alarm and actually get up and get dressed. Almost every day I have been doing a zoom workout with my friends. Alongside this, competing with my family/friends on a running app when I’ve been going for my morning run. I have also been looking at setting up my own little business venture which I will be announcing soon and without being on furlough it’s something I would have never even thought about doing! Compared to my first month in furlough to now, my mindset has completely changed and I’m glad to say I’m just embracing my time off, as realistically I probably won’t get the opportunity to be out of work for this long again until I’m retired! To keep in the loop with work we have been doing a lot of quizzes which has been great and just catching up whenever possible. Ash (my boss) has also kept us in the loop with any changes that have been happening which has been incredibly helpful to ease any of our worries/concerns. So all round I have actually really enjoyed being on furlough and I have just tried to see the positives from the experience! Connect with Kodie on LinkedIn – Kodie Rogers
Phoebe – Founder & MD at Sasa School of Performing Arts. Able to work but having to pivot her business.
As I have been running my business for 5 years I have clear systems and processes that really helped when lockdown hit. I don’t have any children and my fiancé is a key worker who left the country for 6 months at the start of March. So even though Covid-19 has had a huge effect on my business, not having any extra responsibilities really gave me the time and space to focus on the foundations of my business and pivot it. I shut my Performing Arts School on a Thursday just before lockdown was announced and I knew I was either going to sink or swim…and boyyy was I not ready to sink!!! I’ve always worked hard, I’m a very determined person and I have gone through huge up’s and downs in my business and coronavirus wasn’t going to get me down. After many hours chatting to my business mentor, over the course of 3 days I completely pivoted my business providing online performing arts, flexibility and fitness classes for ages 3 to 93! As you can imagine trying to get 250 students onto our online zoom classes means we have had our work cut out for us! This isn’t me sugar-coating the experience, I had to work hard, I had to deal with my distressed students, parents and still wanted to support my freelance teachers. Some tips and things that have helped me get through the lockdown that I can share with you all are:
Journalling & meditating every morning
Exercising 3-4 times a week
Doing a weekly re-set on a Sunday (I’m soon going to be doing a podcast on this)
Writing down a massive to-do list brain dump on a Sunday, then printing off daily to-do lists off Etsy to split up my jobs
Going back to the foundations of my business; revamping my website, getting more coaching, my “why” behind my business, my core values etc
Eating more chocolate cookies than I ever have!
Ensure I stay in contact with my friends, family and fiancé
Getting the sun on my pale milk bottle skin!
Don’t overstretch yourself, I had three days last week that I sat in front of the tv in my pj’s all-day
Nicole – self-employed Hairdresser. Being creative with her time!
When we went I to lockdown I had only been fully self-employed for 2 weeks! Timing literally couldn’t have been worse! When they first announced that we were going into lockdown, I went into a full-blown panic attack! I just didn’t know how I was gonna get by! How was I gonna pay my mortgage? Would we lose our house? Would my partner lose his job? There were 1001 emotions running through my mind, I literally was an emotional wreck. My poor boyfriend, I was literally crying every minute of every day for about 2 weeks. After 2 weeks of tears and panic attacks, I decided that I had to do something! I had worked so hard to get my business off the ground I couldn’t give up! I put my big girl pants on and made a spider graph of my business. What did I offer as a business? What had I achieved in the past 18 months and how could I expand without being physically at work! It was a massive eye-opener because I started to see everything that my business was actually missing! I’m not going to lie it wasn’t just time and effort I had to put in, I decided to invest a lot of my savings into making my website better, getting in products I could sell online. I invested in business growth courses, I was determined to not let lockdown defeat me. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had some really low days where I felt like I wanted to give it all up, get a normal job and just pretend this never happened, but I would find a way to pull myself back up again! I decided to delete my personal Instagram and unfollow anyone who made me feel anxious. You know the girls that work out 3 times a day and are sunning it up in their gardens without a care in the world? I mean amazing for them but I just felt seeing that made me feel like my life wasn’t good enough and it just fuelled the fire! I decided to watch tutorials that other people in my industry had made, I watched Inspirational videos on YouTube and Netflix just to keep me going. Truth is I’ve expanded my business in a way I never imagined! My website is now constantly in use by people all over the country, I’ve created a brand around myself. I would never have achieved that if this hadn’t happened. But I’ve also realised you can’t give your business 100% of your time. It’s okay to have a day where you don’t do anything and you cannot feel guilty for that! I honestly feel I’ll come back from lockdown stronger than ever! Follow Nicole on Insta @lve_locks
Sam – Procurement Manager. WFH full time and Mum of 2.
I am a Mum to two children, aged 13 and 7. At the start of lockdown I found it really refreshing to have a slower pace of life, and get to do all the things that I don’t usually get around to doing. It was nice to discover new places on our doorstep and just be in our own bubble, happy and safe. My children were enthusiastic about getting their school work completed early each day which gave me the chance to work from home. I have found the struggle later through lockdown, as the children have lost a lot of concentration for their schoolwork and therefore need my attention more, which is difficult to balance with work. I’ve ended up feeling like I’m not doing either role well at times. To overcome this, I have started to chunk up my day. I have included personal time for the children and other chores in my work diary and accepted that this new normal has to make time for it all, in a different order to how time was planned previously. I tend to get up earlier and work when the children are still asleep and finish work earlier to enjoy time with them outside. If I am on a work call, they know to ideally not disturb me however if they come into the frame, it’s also not a problem. The children have helped more around the house which has been useful. I’ve also had to accept that technology use has increased for them much more than I would like however learnt to just let it go and remember that they are safe and happy without fear. They have been able to connect with their friends still for some social time outside of the family which is important.
I really hope these insights help you navigate your way through the rest of lockdown but if you’ve found any other ways of making it work, please do share them below!
This post may contain affiliate links. That means that if you click on a link and purchase something I recommend, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This helps keep my website up and running and is very appreciated. Thank you for your support!
So at the time of posting this, we’re about to enter week 8 of UK lockdown (I think…?!). Literally within 7 days, the entire country shut down and life as we knew it disappeared.
The nights out, checking out new restaurants, going to the gym, HOLIDAYS!!!
All gone.
Working from home became the new norm. We stopped seeing friends and family on the regs. Everybody had more personal space due to social distancing. It’s wild.
But the individual impact is what I want to talk about today.
Personally, as someone who lives alone and has previously had issues with loneliness and being in my own thoughts too much, I had genuine anxiety the day I found out I was about to lose all physical social contact. I live in a one-bedroom flat and I started to feel like the walls were closing in on me. I didn’t know when I’d have real-life contact again. I wasn’t sure I could cope.
It hit me hard, to be honest, and I felt super panicked. I think the uncertainty of what lockdown would actually look like and how long it could go on for were the main issues spinning around my overwhelmed little brain!
I also work in Sales. For a company who run events. Yeah – I wondered how the hell I was going to keep my job to seeing as companies started freezing their marketing budgets and in-person events were a complete no go! You literally couldn’t have made it up!
But after the initial shock, I decided I needed to just do what I could with this new situation. I mean first of all, HELLO, no central line commuting for me!!! That in itself was a good enough reason to smile! And who hasn’t ever wanted a bit of a break from the office for a minute to just work in peace – well, now it had been forced upon us so may as well make the most of it!
As I was now working from the dining table for the foreseeable and finding it super uncomfortable, I got myself a little WFH set up (which considering I was already WFH once a week anyway, this was definitely an investment I should have already made!) which consisted of a desk chair, a laptop riser (aff) and a wireless keyboard (aff). Those 3 additions made a world of difference when it came to my comfort as I have on-going postural issues anyway and with no physios working right now, I had to sort my own shit out!
So with the headaches from craning my neck gone, it cleared the brain to allow me to put some rational thought into what this period was going to look like and I decided to switch to a more positive mindset than focusing on the negativity the news kept ramming down my throat.
With any luck, this will be a one-time thing and to have all of this additional time on my hands, no rushing, fewer demands and more time to think, I decided to make the most of it!
That being said, there are still some areas I struggle with because, regardless, I’m still human. So let’s start with those…
Surviving
Sleep is a myth!
My sleep pattern is an absolute joke right now! Like literally, some nights I’m lucky to get 4 hours. I think this is partly down to the fact that deep down, I’m stressing about paying the mortgage, not getting back into debt, whether or not I’ll still have a job the next day, where my next deals gonna come from etc.
My bank accounts going through its own recession!
So I’ve had my hours and salary reduced at work, and with the commission being non-existent right now, I am PANICKING! As you know, I’ve recently got my finances on track, but I wasn’t in a position to save so I’m still very much living month to month. I’ve worked SO hard to get my money to a good place and I’m gonna be gutted if Rona fucks with that!
Scroll holes!
I’m not the sort of person who’s constantly on their phone…unless I’m bored! I’ve now started scrolling constantly!!! Like honestly, no one’s doing anything so I have no idea what I expect to find but yet here I am, jumping on to the gram for the 738291038 time today! It’s like I can’t even stop myself…I know it’s wrong, but it just feels soooo right! I don’t get screen time notifications as I’ve never needed them but I’m now averaging 6 hours a day! I know for some people, that’s nothing but I think that’s almost double what it was previously!
Lack of IRL conversations!
I’m definitely the sort of person who is happy in their own company. I’m a bit of an introvert andusually need a bit of a break from humans every now and then to gather my thoughts! But Zoom fatigue is real, and as much as I’ve become a FaceTime convert, being able to just talk naturally with someone, without staring at my own reflection is definitely needed now! I miss having a conversation naturally flow and I can’t wait to be able to have normal plans again!
But all of that said, I have done my best to implement some good into my time…
Thriving
I’m now a (home) gym bunny!
OK, so this just proves that my excuse for not having the time to keep fit before was very much valid!! Because now I have the time, it’s getting my full attention! Before lockdown, I was going to the gym twice a week and had started to get a bit of a routine with it (and actually enjoying it!) but now, I’m working out around 6x a week and it’s become an essential part of my day! Every lunchtime, I’m either on the Strong & Sxy app doing a workout, or I’m going for a 4-5KM walk! I honestly don’t know who this person is but I am LOVING her newfound enthusiasm and commitment because you know what they say…Summer Bodies are made in Quarantine…right?! 😂
Abs are made in the kitchen!
On the same theme, I’m now eating better as well! I’ve chosen to calorie count as I don’t do well ‘dieting’ and following plans. I hate feeling restricted so they just increase my anxiety and I end up giving up pretty quickly! I’m not yet working to a macro level but I am eating better and staying within my calorie allowance (which has been an eye-opener!) and giving myself 1 cheat meal a week. I’ve also eased up on the wine because, living alone means you HAVE to drink the entire bottle yourself right, and it was getting a bit much! I’ve now switched to pink gin and sparkling lemon & lime water (60 calories – in comparison a glass of prosecco is 144!) which means I can have a few glasses and not worry about it going to waste! In the last 4 weeks since adding calorie counting into the mix, I’ve lost 7lbs (aiming for that Adele level post-corona glow up!)!
Millennial Me was born!
OK, so this has to be my favourite thing to come out this whole colossal shambles! My baby blog arrived into the world to bless it with realness and positivity! Without the time I’ve gained whilst being trapped in here, plus the realisation that ‘done is better than perfect’, it may still be sitting on an unpublished website!
So that’s what I’ve been up to for the past 8 weeks! As much as I’m doing OK, all things considered, there’s still lots of panic, concern and stress that I’m dealing with and I just wanted people to know that it’s OK to be feeling a bit of both during this time.
Yes, the struggles will be real and they are totally valid, but if you’re here thriving as well, then celebrate that and be proud of yourself! You managed to get off the sofa and get some fresh air into your lungs today? YAASS QUARANQUEEN! You ate something other than banana bread for dinner last night? CHEERS TO YOU! You didn’t watch the news today? I’M HERE FOR THAT!
Honestly, however you’re managing to cope right now, that it works for you is your only consideration. Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing. Don’t worry about what the memes are saying. The fact none of us has ever experienced anything like this before means there are no rules so do it your way and do you boo!
